The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
