I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
