i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
