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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
