If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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