It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
