Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
