how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
