Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
My friends, they love my intelligence
nutella sex= disaster
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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