it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
