Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
