Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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