Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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