Need sex. Gaining weight.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I think my moral compass just broke
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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