I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
foreskin is a definite game changer
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
