I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
