Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
