They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
