i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
