Cold hands, warm shart.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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