yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
