You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Randomize
