Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Randomize
