went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
