btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
