I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
