She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I think im going to throw up on grandma
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
50% drunk capacity currently
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
