So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
