We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
