Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
