I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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