Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
