today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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