And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
