Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
