Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
A bitchslap is in order.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize