New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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