so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
