Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize