This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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