You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
