ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
