he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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