Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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