i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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