I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize