there's paper in my vomit.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
