I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
