Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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