it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
