she woke up with a sticky ear
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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