It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
