Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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