I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
