I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
