i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
