She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
