Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
