Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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