this beer tastes like vomit already
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
