Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize