I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
