I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
