I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize