I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
