a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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