Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
