She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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