so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
