and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
