I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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