hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
