Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
i need some magic done to my vagina
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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