It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
