i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
