You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
