this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
