jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
