I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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