Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
