So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
