i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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