38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
