checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Randomize
