I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
