it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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