dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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