y did u give ur computer a hand job?
She said her name was "party"
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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