I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
