do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
