i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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