my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
